So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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