i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
