Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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