I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize