people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
