Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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