If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
