its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
