Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I could fuck to npr.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
