Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
