yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
