Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
