There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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