my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
