I think I died a long time ago.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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