how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
