shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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