I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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