i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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