Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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