I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
