I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
