What a fucking waste of an outfit
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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