Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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