If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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