found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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