I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
