listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
