There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
