nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
