you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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