My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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