we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
