her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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