the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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