Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
