Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
