I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
