is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
