i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
