I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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