Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
