I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
