I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
