I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
