I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
