bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
