I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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