your room smells of hookers.
And success
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
