Nicole vs. Life
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
