Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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