what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
