I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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