the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
