and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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