Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
