So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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