ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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