Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
